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 Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D

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Lelouch
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:38 pm

Pasyente ... magkano ang facelift?
Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente .... mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para
magmukha akong bata?
Doktora .. heto tsupon, P20 lang!!
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Lelouch
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:40 pm

Hindi lahat ng batang naka-bag, nag-aaral.. Ung iba nglalakwatsa lng"

















- dora -

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Lelouch
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:41 pm

Nkskay k sa jeep ng ika'y mautot

Buti nlang malakas ang 2g2g, bawat utot sbay sa 2g2g

Nang ika'y bumaba, sama ng tingin nla

Bigla mong naalala nka mp3 ka pla

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:44 pm

Jun-Jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Jun-Jun: "Sino ang walang assignment?"
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:46 pm

"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: 'Tay ! "Tay ayon o Krus, nasa itaas! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Sige, Lumuhod tayo!"
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:47 pm

MGA JOB TITLES NA DAPAT PALITAN

President - pasimuno
V.P. - kunsitidor
Sec. - palsipikador
Treas. - kubrador
Auditor - kasabwat
P.R. - tsismoso
Representatives - pahamak
Spokesman - bolero
Sgt.-at-arms - tirador
Asviser - taga sulsol
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:53 pm

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:56 pm

Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang
syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:58 pm

BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema MO lang, problema NATIN
dahil nagmamahalan tayo. Ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis NATIN si inday at TAYO ang ama
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:59 pm

Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! p*** pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko
basag ang bungo!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:00 pm

Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH! !!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25
years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:00 pm

1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:06 pm

Consul: Y do u wana go 2 d US?

Amo: To travel to visit friends & fly d airplane

Consul: Denied!

Consul: And u?

Inday: For life is a neverending pursuit of material & social satisfaction dat I tender my gr8 intent of actualizng a trnspacific journey 2 d land of milk & honey. An affable sanctuary wer dreams bcome reality and a perfct habitat wer souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.

Consul: LIFETIME MULTIPLE ENTRY VISA GRANTED!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:13 pm


MAN: Asan ang ma'am mo?

MAID: Sir, nasa itaas po.. Ksama ang bf niya.

MAN: Kumuha ka ng baril at patayin mo sila! (after 2 mins.)

MAID: Patay na po.

MAN: Ihulog mo sila sa pool.

MAID: Sir, wala po tayong pool.

MAN: Huh? Ayy, sorry.. wrong number!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:23 pm

Yet another beauty contest.. HOST: Wat do u think s d biggest problem dat our youth s facing today? GIRL: uhm.. drugs? HOST: Y? GIRL: Syet... ang mahal eh!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:28 pm

DALAWANG UNANO, GALING SA MOTEL... Unano 1: Pare, di ko nagalaw date ko, buti ka pa. Nadinig ko humihiyaw ka ng "1.2.3...ummmph!" Unano 2: ga**, hindi ko maakyat yung kama!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:02 pm



69 --- good position
96 --- magkaaway
66 --- bading
6.9 --- KADIRI (( kasi may period ))

rofl rofl

--peace!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:07 pm

TESTING KUNG MAY VIOLET NA NAME KO...
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:08 pm



--Anak: Itay baksak ako sa English recitation!

--Tatay: Bakit, ano ba tanong?

--Anak: Ano daw ba ang definition ng effort?

--Tatay: Anak ano ka ba? ang bobo m o naman effort lang 'di mo pa alam... ang effort ay 'yong nilalandingan ng eroplano!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:09 pm



--lelouch, mea mea meon na ean..



--Russian: We are first to step on Mars.

--American: We are first to step on Moon.

--Russian-American: How About you Mr. Erap, What have you DONE?

--Erap: Me? I'm first to step on SUN!.

--Russian-American: But, we can't go to Sun its to hot in there?

--Erap:(Naiinis pa) What do you think of me idiot? WE GO THERE AT NIGHT!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:10 pm



--Pasyente: Doc takot ako sa bunot eh!

--Dentista: Heto gamot pampalakas ng loob.

--Pasyente: (uminom ng gamot)

--Dentista: Matapang ka na ba?

--Pasyente: Oo doc, 'pag may gumalaw sa ngipin ko gugulpihin ko!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:11 pm



--Pedro: Ba't ka malungkot,pre'?

--Juan: Ang asawa ko, nag-hire ng driver, gwapo, bata at macho.

--Pedro: Ba't nagseselos ka??

--Juan: NAGTATAKA LANG AKO, KASI WALA NAMAN KAMING SASAKYAN EH!!!!

>>uaLa na au magawa!

>>wahahaha rofl rofl
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:41 pm

JOSE: Kumusta ang assignment?
RICK: Masama. Wala akong nasagutan. Blank paper ang ipinasa ko.
JOSE: Naku, ako rin! Paano 'yan? Baka isipin
nila, nagkopyahan tayo?!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:42 pm

DOK: May taning na ang buhay mo.
JUAN: Wala na bang pag-asa? Ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?
DOK: Mag-asawa ka na lang ng pangit at bungangera.
JUAN: Bakit, gagaling po ba ako ru'n?
DOK: Hindi, pero mas gugustuhin mo pang mamatay kesa mabuhay!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:43 pm

STEWARDEES: Do you want a drink, sir?
SIR: What are my choices?
STEWARDEES: Yes or No.
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