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 Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D

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Lelouch
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:09 am

LETTER

An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad:

Beer dad,

Gin na 'ko mag-iinom whisky kelan man.
Tanduayan mo yan.

Your son,
Miguel.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:10 am

maliit na duck - "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck - " Pandacan"
mataas na duck - "boonduck"
nagulat na duck - "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck - "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck - "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck - "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck - "ducktor"
musikero na duck - "conducktor"
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:13 am

Kahit hirap mag-englis, panay pa rin ang ligaw ni Alfredo sa isang Amerikana:
KANA: I like men who are frank.
ALFREDO: My name is Alfredo, not frank.
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:16 am

MAN ASKING GOD
Man: God how long is a million years 2 u?
God: A second.
Man: How much is $1 million to u?
God: A cent.
Man: Can I have a cent?
God: Just a second............
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:21 am

Sabi nila nauubos na raw ang mga puno, isda at ibon

sa mundo. Ang masakit pa rito ay dahan-dahan daw

namamatay ang mga unggoy. Kaya naalala agad kita...

ingat ka ha?
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:26 am

Convict: Father, forgive me for I have sinned
Priest: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
Convict: Father, pinapatay ko ang lahat ng naniniwala sa diyos.
Kayo po ba Father naniniwala doon?
Priest: Sino yon?
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:29 am

Giliw kong nilalangit,
Nilalangaw pati puwet,
Kung sa langit ikaw ay tala,
Sa lupa ikaw ay tekla.
Buhok mo'y alon-alon,
Kutong mo'y patong-patong,
Ngipin mo'y pantay-pantay,
Hininga mo'y amoy patay!
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:03 pm



--Misis: Hudas ka! lagi kang umuuwing lasing. Naaasar na tuloy ako sa mukha mo.

--Mister: Pero mahal, kung hindi ako lasing, ako naman ang maaasar sa mukha mo

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:05 pm


--Q: Ano sa Filipino ang 'chair'?

--A: Salumpuwit!

--Q: E ang 'wheelchair'?

--A: Salumpo!

--Q: E ang 'arthritis'?

--A: Salompas!

--Q: What about 'vinegar'?

--A: E di salumpia!

--Q: Ano naman ang panty?

--A: Salungguhit po!

--Q: Bakit ang oyster ayaw ibigay and kanyang perlas?

--A: Dahil ang oyster ay shellfish

--Q: Anong hayop ang gumagamit ng bra?

--A: Eh di Cobra!

--Q: Anong hayop ang gumagamit ng panti?

--A: Eh di Elepanti!

--Q: Anong hayop ang gumagamit ng brief?

--A: Eh di Bird!

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:06 pm



Nagkita si Juan at Pedro na magkumpadreng matagal na ring di nagkikita.

Juan: "Pare saan ka nagtatrabaho ngayon?"

Pedro: "IBM, Pare", ang sagot."

Juan: "IBM eh, wala ka namang computer background ah?"

Pedro: "Istambay Buong Maghapon. Eh, ikaw Pare anong trabaho mo ngayon?"

Juan: "Chemist, Pare"

Pedro: "Chemist, paanong nangyari 'yon eh, di ka naman nag-college?"

Juan: "Ke Misis umaasa, Pare."

rofl rofl rofl
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sat Jun 27, 2009 6:10 pm


--I don't know if this is a joke..

--cause I find it sweet..


"Alam mo bang napakatanga ko noong pinakasalan kita!" sigaw ni misis na hihiwalay na sa kanyang mister.

"Alam ko, pero in-love ako sa iyo noon kaya hindi ko na lang pinansin ang katangahan mo," sagot naman ni mister.

Smile Smile Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 5:29 pm




prayer ng magaganda:

"In the name of the powder
and of the blush
and of the holy lipstick...
..salamen"

dear lord
please always make me look pretty and
lovely all the time..
keep my enemy look ugly
and make the boys go crazy over me..

rofl rofl rofl

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:17 pm

Mother 2 Titser: Ang anak ko napaka-sensitive po. Kaya, kung me nagawang kasalanan siya, paluin lang ninyo ang katabi niya, ok na iyon. Magtatanda na siya.

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:18 pm

Tatay to anak..
TATAY: Bagsak ka na naman! Ba’t di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor.
ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.
TATAY: Bakit naman?
ANAK: Matalino tatay nun

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:24 pm

IN HELL..














EKS HELL
IN HELL
EKS HELL
MAG IKSIRSAYS KA!
PARA SUMIGLA
HAHAHA
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:26 pm

MAGANDA 2NG JOKE NA TO.. GLING SA CELLPHONE..

"SI UZUMAKI NARUTO AY ISANG MAGITING NA NINJA MULA SA BAYAN NG KONOHA"

"IPASA ITO SA 25 TAO AT MAGIGING NINJA KA.. TOTOO ITO.. KASI UNG KAPITBAHAY NAMIN HOKAGE NA.."
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:30 pm

May alagang carabao ang tatay….intusan nya ang anak nya…
TATAY: “anak painumin mo yung carabao natin.”
ANAK: “opo ‘tay.”
Pagkalipas ang dalawang minuto…
ANAK: “tay ayaw naman uminom ng carabao natin… ”
TATAY: “bakit?! saan mo ba kasi pinainom yung carabao?? ”
ANAK: “sa baso.”
TATAY: “bugok ka pala eh…lagyan mo ng straw!”
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:30 pm

Bitoy: “Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?”
Dagul: “Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako. ”
Bitoy: “Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?”
Dagul: “Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin! ”
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:35 pm

BATA:ALING NENA MAY UBAS KAYO?
ALING NENA:WALA..
NEXT DAY..
BATA:ALING NENA MAY UBAS KAYO?
ALING NENA: WALA NGA KAHAPON KA PA HA..
NEXT DAY
BATA: ALING NENA MAY UBAS NA PO BA KAYO?
ALING NENA:ANG KULIT MO HA! IISTERPLERAN KO YANG BIBIG MO KAPAG MAGTANONG KA PA ULI TUNGKOL SA UBAS!
NEXT DAY..
BATA:ALING NENA MAY STAPLER PO KAYO?
ALING NENA:WALA
BATA: PABILI NALANG HO NG UBAS
ALING NENA:GRR
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:36 pm



lelouch: >> tutuo ba ean?? haha rofl rofl


three brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China
they decided to change their name:



Bu became Buck





Chu became Chuck







and Fu...








decided to go back to China=))
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:39 pm



Teacher: write a story in a few words discussing
Religion, Sexuality and Mystery


Student wrote: "My God! I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is?"

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:45 pm



2 girls nag apply ng trabaho
1 matalino, 1 bobo


matalino: buti ca pa natanggap. anu bang ginawa mo?

bobo: wala. nung nag fill-up me ng form, nilagay cuh sa ***, sure
rofl rofl rofl

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:52 pm



pulis: bkit mu inihagis un bata sa bintana?

yaya: Sinunod cu lahn poh un utos ng amo cu. sabi poh ng amo cuh..


wala na tayong pampers..













..i-Huggies mu na lahn c baby rofl rofl rofl

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:56 pm



Amo: 'day, ang chalk na toh para mamatay ang ipis.
gamitin mu sa pader

Inday: opo ati.


next day,
nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader..








"EPES MAMATAY KAYONG LAHAT..!"

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PostSubject: Re: Joke Section! Where Nothing Happens :D   Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:37 pm

BF: Sunduin kita mamaya ha. Bubusina nalang ako pag nasa harap nako ng
bahay nyo.
GF: Cge. Anong sasakyan ang dala mo?
BF: Wala. Busina lang....

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